What Makes Relationships Work?

I was reading in John 1 the other day and came upon some thoughts about what makes relationships work. It seems so easy yet so hard. I'll explain.

First the context. Jesus is just beginning His earthly ministry and starts showing himself around about town. He gets baptized and the whole voice from heaven and dove landing on Him thing sure started people talking. John announces that He is the Savior they have been waiting for. But how do you, like, start a conversation and hopefully a friendship with a guy like this? Jesus actually gives a blueprint in verses 35-51 that is pretty practical. There are 4 steps and it works!!

1. Ask questions - When the guys came to Jesus he simply asked them, "What do you want?" I've found that the best conversations I have are the result of good questions. Jesus took interest and asked them a question drawing them in. The best place to start when you meet someone new or to keep the fire hot in familiar relationships is to ask questions!!!

Examples of good questions:
What was it like for you growing up?
What did you most enjoy doing as a child?
What was the best vacation you ever had?
How would you define your best day?
Tell me about what you love to do.

Then LISTEN!!!

2. Invitation - when Jesus asked the guys what they wanted they got a bit tongue tied and didn't really know what to say. Of all the things they could have asked the Son of God, they said, "Where are you staying?". Jesus gets this though. He knows they are nervous. He eases their tension and invites them into His world. He simply says, "Come and you will see." Jesus invites them into His life.

Are you an invitor of do you often wait to be invited? There is a WONDERFULLY freeing moment that happens in life when we're hanging in relationship limbo like a new elementary school kid on a strange playground, and someone says, "Hey, wanna come?". Invite someone to come along. For a meal, a game, a drive, an evening in the back yard chatting....even if they can't come, the invitation is there and it's freeing!

3. Add personal value - as they spent time together Jesus speaks to Simon and one of the first things He does is give Him a nick name. He actually changes his name from Simon to "Peter" which means Rock. Jesus was adding value to him. "You might think you're a fisherman and that you don't have a lot to offer but I see a ROCK!!"

This is not to be confused with flattery which is complimenting someone for one's own selfish purposes. But instead add value. Notice something good, important, interesting, pleasant, talented about the person and tell them what you see! Be generous with your words, they are life changing!

Examples might be:
You have the greatest laugh, smile etc.
You really handled that situation well. I admire that about you.
I noticed how you helped that person over there. Thank you for being so kind.
You really are good at ___________ I'm blessed to see you in action.

Add value to people. You'll never be short of friends!

4. Be open - Jesus added value to Peter but a little later He also added value to Nathanael. He said, "Here is a man and there is nothing false about him." Nathanael pressed in to that. He was welcomed and felt valued. Then Jesus opened Himself up to him. "You shall see greater things that this. You'll see heaven and earth opened up and you'll see the angels ascend and descend on me." WOW, He never said that before. He was opening up to him.

Don't be afraid of revealing yourself. It says to people, "I trust you with knowing me. I feel safe with you and I want you to know me." What an honor to have someone allow you to know them.

This is not to say that you must open up your deepest darkest on first introduction but as you grow deeper the revelation can be deeper. Letting someone know you is the greatest of compliments.

These 4 steps can really make your relationships work:

1. Learn to ask honest and sincere questions. Then listen.
2. Invite people into your world.
3. Add value to them.
4. Be open with them.

You'll make new friends and the ones you have will go deeper!

Enjoy your friends!!

In His grip,

Greg